Normalizing Conversations About Death, Dying, and Funerals
Today, I was moderating a conversation about death, dying, and funerals in an attempt to normalize this conversation that we all should be having with the people we love. It’s really uncomfortable for a lot of people to talk about death, dying, and funerals, right? Who wants to confront their own mortality and openly say, “Hey, I’m going to die one day”?
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Evergreen Memorial Gardens
16102 Fort Road R.R. #6, Site 2, Box 20, North Edmonton, Alberta, T5Y 6A2. (780) 851-4152
I think people have a hard time talking about death because they don’t want to think about their own mortality. They don’t want to think about leaving those they are close to and those they love. Do we think that in our reluctance to talk about it, we could be making things more difficult? I know that I wouldn’t want to leave my children with any questions to struggle with if I were to suddenly be gone.
Starting the Conversation in Bite-Sized Pieces
Rather than making it such a big deal and a very formal occasion, let’s sit down and talk about death. I think the way to do it is in little bite-sized pieces and just start having smaller conversations. Maybe talk about someone you know or perhaps a funeral you attended, and just plant the seeds for the bigger conversation. Talking about what you want is also a good way to open up the conversation with others about what they would like. You could go home today and say, “Hey, I was talking to somebody…”
End-of-Life Planning
What I found most interesting about today’s session was the fact that most of the people in that room had really not thought about or considered end-of-life planning. So, I’m just curious, how early on do people start having conversations with you about planning a funeral? I mean, I’ve personally never planned one before, so I’m not really sure. I think once they call us and are able to have a conversation with us, it naturally leads to them coming in and meeting with us. We have an open discussion about their thoughts, and then we’re able to guide them with our knowledge. People do have some really great ideas about how they’d like to do that.
Personal Preferences for Funerals
For my funeral, I would probably insist on loud music, lots of food and drink, and I would want people leaving like they leave my house after a party, saying, “What a good party, what a good funeral.” At my funeral, you can definitely expect a churro bar. I think it’s really important to have those conversations about what you want, but I also think it’s important to have conversations with your family about what they might need. There are a lot of people, for instance, who have this tendency to say, “You know what? I don’t want to make a fuss.”
Breaking the Taboo
Death has not been a topic of conversation that I’ve normally discussed. My parents come from a generation where it’s still considered a little bit taboo, and my son is our youngest, so it’s really up to me to change that and start the conversation. When I get home, I will definitely be initiating a conversation about my end-of-life wishes because today really made me hyper-aware that it’s not just about me; it’s about who I’m leaving behind.
Family Conversations
I’ve heard the conversations today, and I’m definitely going to go home and chat with my husband about my end-of-life wishes. I think it’s really important because we have a newborn, and I am now thinking beyond myself and about our family as a whole when it comes to these decisions. I think it’s also important to know that while we’re talking a lot about celebrating and making it somewhat uplifting, someone has died, and that’s sad. A really good funeral allows space for all emotions to be felt. That’s what that day is for—it’s a dedicated day to honor, celebrate, and just feel.